


Twisted Tales from the Dariaverse

by Strawberridaniel (Peridaniel)



Category: Daria (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Randomness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2020-11-27 04:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20942438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peridaniel/pseuds/Strawberridaniel
Summary: A bunch of weird oneshots and ideas unsuitable to post as standalone fics.





	1. Bionic Limbs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow, I feel this one's been done before, but enjoy anyway.

"And how are my little granddaughters?" Ruth Morgendorffer asked as she entered her son's household. "Daria, you look..." Her smile became a forced rictus. "You haven't changed a bit." 

"Actually, I've had a number of bionic limbs installed," Daria dryly responded. 

Ruth looked a bit confused, but smiled. "Well, I don't know what that means, but as long as you don't get a tattoo, I'll be happy."

* * *

"Wouldn't it be easier to just marry a nice doctor?" Ruth asked Quinn later in the week as she discussed her plans to become a heart doctor. "Then you could stay home with your children and have dinner on the table for your husband every night." 

"Just what are you getting at, Ruth?" Helen angrily asked. 

Daria then entered the kitchen with her usual dispassionate expression. She stood in front of the group for a few silent moments. 

"Oh, hello, Daria," Ruth said, turning to face her other granddaughter. "Is there something you want to say?" 

"Get fucked," Daria said flatly before activating her bionic right arm and using it to give her grandmother a maximum-power punch. Helen and Quinn quickly jumped away as the force of the punch sent Ruth flying back and through the wall, finally landing on the grass a few feet away from the house. 

"Is she... dead?" Quinn asked. 

"Probably," Daria replied. 

"Daria, when I installed that thing on you, it was under the promise that you would only use it in life-threatening situations," Helen said sternly, putting her hands on her hips. 

"Sorry," Daria said with a shrug. 

She went up to her room and called Jane on her phone. "Hey. The job is done. Ruth is gone." 

After a beat in which Jane responded, she asked, "Yep, Bing and Spatula Man are still next. Is Trent still gonna pick us up and hightail us out of state when we're done?" 

Daria smiled as Jane replied. "Excellent."


	2. Daria: Inverted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have another fanfic for another fandom involving a spell that completely inverts people's personalities. "Let's put the spell in Daria," I said while bored. And here we are.

Jane walked to the Morgendorffer household on her way to school, waiting in front of the door for her best friend to join her. 

After a few moments, Daria came out... or, at least, someone who had her hair and her glasses. The rest of her outfit, however, was the most un-Daria thing Jane had ever seen. 

She wore a bright frilly pink dress and sparkly red high heels that went high enough for her to stand a bit taller than Jane. She wore bright red lipstick over a creepily wide smile. 

"Good morning, Jane!" she chirped, her voice a far cry from her usual deadpan. "How are you today? Isn't it a lovely day?" 

Jane stared on in shock for a few moments before responding. "Uh... sure." 

A few moments later, another girl shoved her way out the door. Her hair was visibly greasy, a few large zits stuck out on her face, and she wore an oversized flannel and a pair of baggy jeans. 

"Oh, hey, Daria," the familiar, but significantly more deadpan voice of Quinn said. "Hey Jane." As she spoke, her breath reeked as if she had just eaten a helping of rotted meat. 

As she walked past Jane, she released a loud fart as horrid smelling as her breath. "Ooh, there's one for the books." 

"Uh, Daria, what's going on?" Jane asked. 

"What do you mean?" Daria asked back. "I'm just enjoying this lovely day. Now, do you wanna walk to school or what?" She laughed. "I wanna get there early enough to say hi to Kevin and Brittany!" 

"Nope," Jane said flatly, backing away from the door. Breaking into a run, she continued, "Nope. Nope. No way. This is not happening. Fuck no. Nope."


	3. Sandi Falls into a Mud Puddle and her Clothes Get Run Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys you'll never guess what happens in this story

The Fashion Club was walking home from their usual shopping excursion at Cashmen's. The rain was pouring all around them as they all huddled themselves and their shopping bags under Stacy's large umbrella.

"Stacy," Sandi whined, "couldn't you have possibly brought a larger umbrella?" 

"This is the biggest one I have!" Stacy replied.

Before Sandi could say anything else, she tripped on the curb and fell face first into a large puddle on the side of the road, her shopping bag flying out of her hands into the middle of the road. 

She lifted up her now hideously muddy face and stood up, her blue shirt now darked with dirt, murky water, and wet gravel. "My outfit! It's ruined!" 

Her look of horror intensified as the traffic light nearby turned green, causing the waiting vehicles to accelerate right over her shopping bag. 

"My new outfits! They're ruined, too!" 

"Well, that sucks," Quinn said dispassionately. "Anyone wanna head to my place and try out new eyeliner?" 

Stacy and Tiffany muttered agreement and they all walked away, leaving their muddy friend behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this was my peak. I don't think I could ever possibly write anything more exciting than this.


	4. Question for the Ages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No clever or informative opener here. I've just been wanting to use this particular scene in something for awhile.

The cafeteria was growing quieter as the argument heated up at the table in the center, its participants unaware of their peers staring at them. 

"It's bollocks, Daria!" Jane shouted. "It's your brand of bollocks from first to last!" 

Daria sounded calmer, but still agitated. "No, you can't ever see the big picture. You can't see any picture." 

"I'm talking about something primal, right? Savagery. Brutal animal instinct." 

Daria rolled her eyes. "And that wins out every time with you." She looked back up at Jane. "You know, the human race has evolved, Jane."

Jane rolled her eyes back and made mocking gestures. "Oh, into a bunch of namby-pamby, self-analyzing assholes who could never hope to-"

Daria cut her off. "We're bigger. We're smarter. Plus, there's this thing called teamwork, not to mention the superstitious terror of your pure aggressors." 

"You just want it to be the way you want it to be." 

"It's not about what I want!" Daria's voice was now raised.

Jodie came over by the table and cleared her throat to get their attention. After they noticed her presence, she looked on in concern and asked, "Um, should we be worried?" 

Daria sheepishly looked away and responded, "Um, no." 

Jodie didn't look convinced. "It just sounded a little serious."

"It was mostly... theoretical."

Jane nodded. "We were just working out a-" She cut herself off and looked solidly at Jodie. "Look, if cavemen and astronauts got into a fight, who would win?"

Jodie slowly nodded, still bemused. "Um, you've been yelling at each other all lunch period about this?"

Daria looked down in embarrassment, but Jane still looked at Jodie, expecting an answer to the question. 

Realizing this, Jodie thought for a moment. "Do the astronauts have weapons?" 

"No," Jane and Daria answered simultaneously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was either this or Daria and Quinn in the puppet scene.
> 
> Dialogue taken from Angel s5e15.


End file.
